And…I’m back

I have found myself running in many different directions as of late, I want to do so much and yet find myself having a hard time doing any of them.

Today I needed this reminder:

“Wherever you are is the entry point.”
Kabir

So here I am, writing again as I have neglected to post here for a few days and in order to release any judgement, I am simply deciding to begin again as my yoga teacher would say to me.

It is easy to set yourself down a path, continue steadily for awhile and then hit a road block. Maybe miss a few days and then begin the cycle of being hard on yourself, beginning to judge yourself and instead of getting going again, giving up.

This has been my pattern for many many years.  Rather than accept the hiccup and move forward, I would use it as justification for my inner “I’m not good enough” dialogue and just give up.  Consider myself a failure and never return to whatever it was I had been doing, regardless of my enjoyment level, enthusiasm or general feel good feelings surrounding the topic at hand.

There are so many problems here, most of which being the self-fulfilling prophecy loop that I could not exit. However, this was easy and comfortable.  Familiar and altogether the subconscious decision that required no energy.

Today, I’m choosing not to be hard on myself.  I’m choosing not to apologize.  I’m choosing inner peace and continued reflection.

Today, I’m choosing me.

Have you faced a similar pattern?  How do you push yourself forward instead of getting stuck in the loop?

 

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